Hi Friend.

Just thought I’d write and say Hello.

Listening to Pandora radio app, and have it tuned to play classical relaxation music.  I forgot how beautiful classical music is.  Beethoven.  Debussy. Yo-yo Ma.  Chopin.  Puccini.  I wish I could play the piano.  The cello.  The violin.  All at once.  And sing.  And dance.  All at once.

I think of you as the calmest person in the family.  The most introspective.  I have pictures of you in my mind from Thanksgiving dinners over the years, and they are meditative in substance.  I hope that makes sense to you.  It does to me.

Face in the mirror.  It’s all about this pandemic.  This pothole in life’s road.  It seemed like any other crisis I’ve gone through, until last Friday.  I’ve gone through many ups and downs, as we all have, but we all relate to our own in a larger way because of emotions we owned at the time.  And emotions remaining long after.  Mine are no different from anyone else’s.  They’re just personal. 

Pandemic.  This crisis is different.  I’m not alone.  Not sitting in my bedroom figuring out how I got here and what I’ll do to get through it.  This isn’t just making a wrong decision and becoming involved in something stupid.  This one involves everyone. 

Still, I feel alone.  I’m used to being alone.  Have hobbies that are alone hobbies.  I don’t depend on anyone else for my happiness.  Can’t.  That only invites sadness. Others have their own happiness to tend to.  Happiness that needs to be nurtured and loved.  And brought back from times of loss. 

“Take care of yourself!”  “Don’t be a crybaby.”  “What’s the matter with you?  Can’t take a little bit of the blues?”  OK.  I’ll try.  No, I’ll do it.  Just give me a day to cry.  It’s cleansing.  We retain a little bit of ‘baby’ in our souls.  I want my mommy.  I want a hug.

Scattered throughout time.  We’re all scattered throughout time.  Clair de Lune.  What a perfect musical backdrop for right now.  Today.  Tonight.

That’s enough!  Stop being down.  Time to figure out what to do now and tomorrow.  Include all the “What ifs”.  Then watch a favorite comedy.  Right now, I want to see ‘Liar. Liar’.  I want to see the scene in the restroom where Jim Carrey is throwing himself around and pounding his head with the toilet lid.  Right now.  “I’m kicking my ass.” 

I’ll write again soon.  I love you.  And I still want a hug. And some chocolate.


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